Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize