So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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