Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
