i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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