I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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