Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize