paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
