He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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