the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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