I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Blow job season was short but glorious.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
