Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize