Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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