I don't usually arrange sex via text message
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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