Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
