My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
