i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
