Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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