do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
