life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize