The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
