He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
