Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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