drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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