apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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