You're a womanizer and a bitch.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
