before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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