But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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