He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
worst night to have a conscience
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
