girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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