He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
