i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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