fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
