is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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