Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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