i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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