You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize