I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
