no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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