He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
