just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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