Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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