Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
someone owes me an orgasm
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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