He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
