I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
