I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
