The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
