I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
