I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
