Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize