Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
