I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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