Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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