Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
