hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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