just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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