Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
