I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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