im having a threesome with these popsicles
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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