So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
