By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
