You don't have asthma, your pregnant
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
