tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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